ADDICTION VS TRUST

For me, it’s like water, I can’t live without it. I am addicted to it. My parents always remind me not to try it. It is one of the things that will kill me because I am asthmatic. I know I must not try it. I want to quit but I can’t. I want to quit smoking. When I was still in San Beda College, I always smoke especially before I take my Accounting exams. Smoking reduces the tension and stress that I feel. My friends are always scolding me, they want me to stop.

My parents know that I drink and they always say that we can drink ‘til we drop but we can’t smoke. My cousins also smoke and like me, their parents also don’t know that they are smoking. We always stroll at night at the subdivision where we live just to smoke.

My parents never doubt in me. They have a trust in me. That’s why I want to quit smoking. It is not my health that is in stake for me, it is the trust that my parents have given me. But I just can’t, it helped me so much in my adjusting period here in UP. It relieves my stress and depression. But I must not just try, I must do it. It is harder to find and earn trust than to find a cigarette that will ease my depression. My family can always make me comfortable and happy. But I can never trust cigarettes.

“Your college friends know who you are . . . but your high school friends know why.”

I have 43 siblings. I have an older sister and 42 other siblings. My high school friends are my other brothers and sisters. We have been together seen our nursery days. We love each other like our own siblings. We already know each other too much that no one can ever break the friendship rope that binds us together. That rope is my up of love, true and pure love.

Like true siblings, we also have misunderstandings. But those misunderstandings even made us stronger and closer. Even though we have new found friends in college, still, the feeling and happiness is different if we are the ones together hanging and chilling out.

Our parents know how much we treasure and love each other. They trust us. We grew up together. We share laughter, smiles, sadness and tears. We actually sleep together. We share everything except for our girl friends and boyfriends (which is our first rule). Since we are not always together now, unlike before, we decided to have our own star. Whenever we miss each other, we will just look at the sky and look at our star to feel the presence of everybody. If we have problems, we prefer to go to each other for comfort. It’s like we’re on our own home, our own family.

No one knows me better (aside from my family) than my high school friends. We have a saying, “Your college friends know who you are . . . but your high school friends know why.”

THE MORE, THE MERRIER! Ü

Family planning was not yet an issue 50 to 60 years ago. May be that is one reason why my mother had 11 siblings. They are 14 in the family including my grandparents. My mom was 10th in the family and was the youngest daughter. She has seven brothers and four more sisters. Because they are too many, her youngest brother was even younger than her first nephew. Many of them, including her, married late, unlike my grandparents who married each other at a very young age. I am the second child of my parents. We are just four in the family, including my parents. Even if we’re not that many, still I can feel that I have so many siblings. I have 36 cousins in my mom’s side. My eldest cousin is 44 years old and the youngest is seven years old. Despite our large number and age gaps, we’re still close and we have our bonding times. I have many cousins who are already married. As a result, I have 41 nephews and nieces. I actually have a niece which is a lot older than me and even in my elder sister. I call her ‘ate’ and she also calls me ‘ate’, because I don’t want any of my niece or nephew call me ‘tita’. Besides, how can a 25 year old woman call a seven year old kid ‘tita’? And the funny truth is I also have a granddaughter in my niece, which also means that my youngest cousin, which is only seven years old, also has a granddaughter. This incident is just a repetition of what happened in my mother’s generation where my uncle was even younger than my eldest cousin.

Because we are so many, misunderstanding can’t be avoided, but still, we’re happy we’re this many. Our motto in our family is, ‘The more, the merrier!’

SONA (Shits Of The Nation Under Arroyo)

Last July 28, 2008, Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo had her 8th SONA (State of the Nation Address). One of the things she highlighted was Value Added Tax (VAT). She said that collection of VAT has strengthened the trust and confidence of international investors and finance community in the country. With that, she is absolutely right. We have seen the recovery of our sick economy. The peso got stronger, from 56Php it became 40Php until it reached 44Php per dollar. “Take away VAT and we strip our people of the means to ride out the world food and energy crisis…”, Arroyo said. I think she should revise this statement, it is better if she sad, “Take away VAT and you strip my means to ride in the ship of wealth and power”. Despite the good things VAT has brought us, we can’t deny the fact that those in the position got more than what they should get in the sense that they have more money to put in their piggy banks. Corrupt officials are rejoicing because they have more to steal. She also pointed out that VAT helps our country to have enough fund for the programs for the people. It is absolutely true; VAT is one of the primary sources of government funds. But in what I see, VAT helps those alligators in the government to have more funds for their luxuries. Speaking of funds, she mentioned that she allotted Php3 billion-the largest anti-graft fund in our history. She allotted that huge amount for hunting corrupt officials, which means she allotted that money to hunt her down. Instead of allotting that money for those tings, why can’t they just allocate that for education and public health?

There are many decent proposals, productive projects and excellent policies, but the problem is the people behind financing and implementing.

I am what I am and i'm proud of it!

I am sick and tired of being confused. I don’t know which road I will pass. I am so confused with my gender. I like girls more than I like guys. They seem more attractive for me. I once felt something strange for a girl when I was in second year high school. I knew from that time that something wrong was happening. I actually have many cousins who are lesbian but I don’t want to be one of them. Discrimination is the thing that I fear. I don’t want to be discriminated so I don’t want to admit that I am a lesbian. My friends know that I’m a bisexual. I can suit either a guy or a girl. They say that I am a lesbian in that sense but I don’t agree with them. I know inside me is a lesbian but I don’t want it to be seen by other people. I’m afraid they won’t understand it.

I remembered last year, someone asked me if I have a boyfriend. I answered him “No!” He asked me if he can court me, I just smiled and said, “I don’t have a boyfriend but I’m in a relationship.” From that time, I realized that I must not be ashamed of whom really am I. I must not be somebody else just for them to like me. If they really like me, they will understand and support me. My parents and my sister actually know that I have a girl friend. And they are happy for me. They said that whatever makes me happy, I must go for it, they are just right beside me to guide and protect me. Now, I’m proud to say that I am a lesbian. I have a heart of a guy cursed to be in a girl’s body. But still, I’m happy that God gave me a supportive and loving family.